The space between the storms

Note: wrote this post last week on vacation. Publishing now.

Miranda Lambert accompanies me as I sit in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows at the Marriott airport hotel in Nashville, just hours before I’ll head back home to Oklahoma – a place Miranda also calls home. I titled this post when I was 20,000 feet in the air on our way to Tennessee last Thursday, wanting to follow up on my post about growing up in Tornado Alley. It’s fitting that it’s pouring rain outside. That’s the way of life – sunshine, storms and back again.

I wanted to write about being human, about the importance of giving ourselves space between the storms to regroup and unwind. To allow ourselves to cry and gather strength for what comes next.

Our vacation to Colorado had been set long before the EF5 tornado hit central Oklahoma on May 20th and left 24 dead. I gave myself space to see what good I could do – something to help the teachers of Briarwood and Plaza Towers where the courageous teachers not only shielded students but went above and beyond well after the storm.

With breathing space in the mountains of Colorado, I decided the benefit “Authors Love Teachers” could help pay tribute to teachers and I called on my author friends around the country to help. Authors have been extremely generous with their book boxes and bundles which will be auctioned off on eBay between June 15th and June 25th. See the full list in photos on our Facebook page. Full information will be listed on Facebook as well as on buzzbooksusa.com. Full proceeds from the auction will benefit the teachers and staff to get as many items as we can on their wish list.

Two days after the Moore tornado, I gave a workshop to executive women on the importance of giving ourselves space to allow creativity. We also discussed the biggest creativity busters, the top among them being stress and anxiety. This time I was able to physically give myself that space with the fresh air in the Colorado mountains, but usually we must find that peace amidst our day to day life, right where we live, even if that means among the ruins.

Because even if we away, we will get hit again. You know a storm of some sort will always be around the corner, whether it’s in the skies or our jobs or families or other tragedies near or far.

Three days after we returned from our peaceful trip, central Oklahoma was under a tornado watch again, even while I was emailing authors to confirm their donations for the recovery from the last tornado. The watch turned into warnings to panic as thousands of Oklahomans decided it would be better to get out of the way of the new powerful tornado with the multi-vortices. Their decision to flee caused gridlock on the highways as rain poured down causing flash flooding. The sick feeling returned – “here we are again,” as I went to bed that Friday night knowing people would be dead. The storm didn’t stay on the track the experts predicted -storms can be that way. If we knew exactly what would happen in our lives, how much easier it would be to set the course. Instead we do what we can with the information we have and hitch our morals on “doing no harm.” Normally it works. Normally we stick together and those that remain know we’re the ones who must work to make a difference.

When we checked the forecast for Nashville, we knew there was a chance for storms, and it did storm two of the four days we were here, but life is about being flexible and not planning for perfect. A vacation will likely not go the way we had pictured. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Lately Oklahoma has seen more valleys, but the peak comes from our attitudes and our actions; our strength in rebuilding and making the most of the space between the storms.

As I wrap up this post, Pandora has randomly given me Carrie Underwood’s, “See You Again,” from her Blown Away album. I used to be surprised when coincidences like that occurred, but not anymore. The universe has a way of staying in sync, of giving us what we want when we least expect it – big or small. Today was the first time I’d heard that song, but Carrie has been a big part of this trip and a big part of Nashville, period. Her Blown Away tour exhibit opened last week at the Country Music Hall of Fame and I saw it on Friday. Her latest tour was based on a tornado theme, but Carrie grew up in Oklahoma and Tornado Alley just like I did. It seems rather natural, though it’s eerie. Storms have a way of inspiring us; we can find creativity in our darkest days. We know life is unpredictable and too short. We should go ahead do those things that need to be done. Sooner than later.

Carrie donated a million dollars to the relief efforts from the May 20th tornado. She’s a young queen here in Nashville and Oklahoma is proud to call her our own.

Now it’s our turn to help. I’m hoping for a great auction and ask that you help me spread the word so we can gift teachers with those items they need to feel great about their upcoming school year.

Thank you for being generous you.

On Twisters, Teachers and Time

Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains.

If you’re raised in Oklahoma, tornadoes become a character in your life story. Growing up in western Oklahoma, we regularly trekked to the neighbor’s cellar in their backyard – typically in the middle of the night. The dank smell, tight quarters and spider companions didn’t ease your fear that a swirling villian had interrupted your dreams. But we were together.

We also had a “hidey hole” in later years and thankfully didn’t have to visit it often, but the history of the Woodward tornado from 1947 that left 185 dead was a reminder that it had happened before and it could happen again. In springtime Oklahoma, you get birds chirping and sirens blaring. But you’re thankful for those sirens because unlike that storm sixty years ago, when twisters hit today, we have technology on our side – TVs, Internet, texting. In fact, on my 40th birthday last year, a group of girlfriends spent the weekend with me at a lake house in Texas and Woodward was hit that night. (We had the big screen TV on live storm coverage all night.) My best friend from high school was a former reporter and she worked with the metro news station to get sources pulled together from our safe spot in our bunk beds in that lakehouse. We had spent frantic minutes texting our loved ones whose power was out telling them to stay in the cellar. That’s what we do in Oklahoma, stick together.

We’ve got each other’s backs, before and after the storm. That same reporter friend, Tina McGarry, was the one texting me last Sunday when a tornado was on its way to my neighborhood in the suburb. If she hadn’t let me know, my husband and boys could’ve still been at the sno cone stand when it ended up causing damage to the neighborhood to our north. Close call, but that tornado was weak. What happened the next day was surreal, not only because it nearly matched the path of the May 3, 1999 tornado, but because you’re never as emotionally ready as you think you’ll be when the worst happens. My whole body seemed to turn in on itself as I watched the massive tornado on TV bearing down on the southern part of our city. The debris of grief was nationwide. We all hurt for the towns affected. But we grow up learning to “dust yourself off and get back on the horse”. (Sometimes literally.)

So it’s no surprise to we Okies that the relief efforts show us coming out from shelter ready to help each other. We grew up knowing to make the most of each day. The old saying goes, “if you don’t like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a minute.” Storm clouds, blue skies, snowstorms, dust storms, dry spells and tornadoes come with the territory. But thankfully so do really great people with big hearts.

Sharing my 40th birthday with good friends and tornadoes. (With Tina McGarry)

That includes our teachers. We’re not surprised that Newtown teachers protected their students or that our Moore teachers shielded their students with their bodies. What drives them to the profession is a love for teaching, learning and kids.  Both of my sisters are teachers. One works in a daycare and the other teaches emotionally disabled kids in a public school. I marvel that teachers do what they do each day and we should thank them with pay raises, respect and our gratitude and support.

Takeaway? Besides how awesome people can be? Time is fleeting, but by staying in the present moment, we get the opportunity to feel grace and gratitude that we get to be here at all. Lift your head up from your phone and see, listen and touch the things around you. Isn’t it a blessing that we get to do this?

That’s what the hard times show us: how we can persevere, how the good times are sweeter and just around the bend.

Dusting off, hoisting ourselves up, headed to where we can help.

———————–

My short story and essay anthology, Hope Floats: Stories on Loss and Living On, is free in the Kindle store through May 24th. The promotion was scheduled prior to the storm, but the message of moving on after a loss is definitely closer to home this week for many of us. Now go make the most of your day, your life.

Six reasons to fully experience the experience. #creativity #mojo

What does “experience” have to do with increasing creativity and mojo? I don’t mean experience in the past-tense as a cumulative effort, but the present moment. Right now, fully feeling whatever experience you’re going through and being fully present when you’re experiencing that moment. Your mind isn’t back in your work day or fast-forwarded to your butt planted in front of the TV or worse, tomorrow’s to-do list (unless you are actively sitting and writing down said list.)

I’ve had the most creative two years of my life as I make small adjustments to my schedule and routine and carefully curate who, what and where my life goes. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I wasn’t fully present to know (deeply knowing as a feeling) how to make those choices. In the last blog I talked about the importance of taking turns in life – and giving yourself permission to spend time with people and activities. But now I’m taking that a step ahead with HOW you are experiencing those turns.

1. Enhancing your creativity 

means being fully open to your surroundings – all five senses plus that important sixth sense (awareness of self having the experience, much like wakeful meditation.)

2. Increasing mojo and learning 

comes from allowing yourself to make the most out of every conversation and situation. Even “mundane” situations can provide very beneficial interactions and even enjoyment. Happiness can simply come from smiling at the mailman. Which I do. Every day. And you *will* miss a learning opportunity if you aren’t fully paying attention. Or miss that turn. Which I still do.

3. Amplifying gratitude brings more fulfillment and peace. I used to think gratitude was being grateful AFTER the fact, but have found if I practice 24/7 gratitude, I have more meaningful interactions all the time and it’s circular. I’m a witness to the gratitude as well as a beneficiary and messenger for the gratitude.
4. Mindful living decreases stress. When people say, “I don’t know how you do it,” when they see what I do in my personal and professional life, I can honestly say it’s because I try to be mindful in my actions, assess my mind/body/spirit space continuously so I know when to stop or slow down. I do know the more physically active I am the less stress I feel. (That’s science, not a breakthrough.) But it’s one of those things you have to experience for yourself to “get.” Being mindful also allows that sixth sense (the higher self) to diffuse an ugly situation and not internalize it. I make mistakes ALL THE TIME, but I normally hear about them quickly, don’t freak out, and create a FIX IT plan, whether that’s a revision or an entirely different plan b.
5. You don’t have to be “zen” to embrace experiential mindful living. However, you WILL become less uptight naturally. Which is the best, right? We’re not forcing ourselves to chill by checking it off a long to-do list. We naturally chill. If you think I’m a hippie “go with the flowy” type, that’s a label that probably wouldn’t stick because I am still a Type A Doer who sees that a Type B mindset can be beneficial to the harmony that we need to not give ourselves heart disease.
6. You end up attracting what you want in life. (That means actually asking for it, too.) See Thunder story below.

For some us, Seeing/Watching comes pretty natural, too, but we’re also talking about engaging when we can instead of just watching/being. Writers and many creative types are people watchers and can give you amazing details about what they just witnessed or experienced. But that frequency is available to all of us. Tune in instead of tuning out. 

Last night my teen son and I were invited to the Thunder/Memphis NBA playoff in Oklahoma City  with seats in the corner pocket just a few rows up from the floor. The seats were amazing, the excitement and energy of an NBA game is palpable, and I soaked it in. Now the Thunder puts t-shirts they would like players to wear during the game on the chairs as a sponsored freebie during playoff games.) I saw some Memphis fans in the section over and thought, “why not ask them for the shirts?” I know lots some family who’d love a free Thunder shirt. So I went up to the young guys, and they gladly handed them over. Then another Memphis fan two seats over gave me HIS shirt, too. And then when I told my friend about the three shirts I’d been given, he handed me his daughter’s shirt (it’s an XL, she’s 5.) So I asked for two shirts and eded up with four. I know that’s a small example of how the law of being mindful works. You often get even more than you ask for! You see an opportunity and have the confidence to go for it. I do the same thing when I’m pitching new client projects (which are valued in the thousands) and in taking risks which can have emotional and financial rewards.

I’ve mentioned before – and it’s worth repeating – that social media CAN enhance connection and mindfulness (such as taking a photo on Instagram to remember later and share your appreciation of it) as long as it doesn’t keep you from connecting with those IN REAL LIFE around you. I’m guilty of this and have to force myself to leave my phone or iPad in another room so I’m not tempted to see what’s happening online. But whatever works for you.

A small gallery from this week on moments I want to remember AND the covers for my upcoming summer books, TWIN FALLS and FAMILY CHARMS (click to see slideshow and captions).

With my MIL at THE GREAT GATSBY. A must-see for film buffs and romantics alike.

Literally “decked out” my deck with colors and patterns and comfort. My happy place.

How often do we forget the little things we get for Mother’s Days or birthdays? And it shows my hubby knows what – and who – I like. :)

Dance is a big part of my life because it’s my daughter’s life. Here this candid went from silly to hysterical when I noticed the dog peeing in the background.

In my two-year quest to create my dream vintage modern glam space, I’ve loved shopping for what’s “me.” This new leather sleeper sectional will be handy and it’s gorgeous.

While I vocally don’t like my daughter borrowing my iPad for dance videos, the stills are a reminder of her growth as a dancer. And I adore her.

Instagram lets me take these little slices of life – like beer, boots and basketball. My son didn’t want a picture, but he’s sitting next to me. A fun evening, even though we lost.

Cover reveal for my 5th women’s fiction novel, FAMILY CHARMS, coming in July!

Cover reveal for my upcoming young adult debut series, Messengers, beginning with TWIN FALLS.

Other Book News:

Get the young adult treasure hunt short story, TREASURE QUEST, by Cara Brookins, free in the Kindle store May 16-18th.

Will be announcing the summer “sisterhood” book tour (virtual and real life) soon! Stay tuned and thanks for reading. I’m also thrilled that my novel FIXER UPPER has overtaken LIFE’S A BEACH as my best seller. I love the story and am glad it’s being recommended and purchased more! I noticed it has only six reviews, so if you’ve read and loved it, I hope you’ll consider taking a  moment to leave a review to tell other readers about it. I appreciate you!

 

 

 

Summer and Taking Turns

The end of the school year is mocking me. I can hear summer coming, whistling and skipping closer to me while I shrink back into the shadows, covering my ears and pretending the days of “I’m bored” and endless interruption aren’t at hand.

As a mom, summer is a blessing. No more early morning ritual! Sleeping in (for them) and fewer chauffeur hours rocks. The downside is that as a work-at-home mom with a full-time workload (and getting bigger), I don’t get the quiet that I do when it’s just me and my dogs. 8:30 to 2:20 now becomes just numbers on the clock. Anxiety kicks in about this time because I get so accustomed to my daily grind that the slower pace and humanergy makes it harder for me to focus and get sh** done. Because that’s what it all boils down to.

Then again, I LOVE MY KIDS. GOD, THEY ARE GROWING UP FAST. I MUST TREASURE EVERY MOMENT!

Am I venting? A little, but there is a solution; one that was brought on when I realized it was a fantasy to get everyone together to do “family stuff.” It’s a concept we’ve been familiar with since childhood: taking turns.

Yes, I’m talking PATIENCE and waiting a bit. I’m also referring to taking turns with my loved ones. Besides going for sno cones, there isn’t much my kids (15 down to 8) agree on. I can sometimes get both boys to ride bikes with me. I can get my 13-year-old girl to go shopping or for pedis or a dance-related event. My hubby is always up for date night. My girlfriends go for wine and great conversation. My sisters crave sister time and so do I.  I NO LONGER WAIT FOR A PERFECT TIME TO DO ANYTHING.

If there was, guess what? I’d still be waiting.

Instead, I SAY YES to one-on-one activities that mean something to my kids, my friends, my husband, my sisters. The gallery below is a sample from the last week. It was a busy, wonderful, soul-filled week. I also worked my butt off for my clients and my authors. I took turns. And as summer approaches, I have to remember to keep doing that – taking turns with the summer camps and dance classes and book signings and writing and design and branding AND some R&R. For me, work/life balance isn’t a balancing act at all, but about taking turns and trying to be fully present in whatever you’re doing and whomever you’re doing it with.

What about you? What are your plans this summer? Are you good at taking turns in your life? How do you do it?

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On the book front, I’ll be sharing the covers for TWIN FALLS, my YA paranormal written under my pen name Lena Brown and my fifth women’s fiction novel, FAMILY CHARMS, in the next blog post so subscribe if you haven’t. If you’d like to be an early reader of EITHER book (summer releases), comment or message me on Facebook. xoM

EVENT ALERT: I’ll be signing books at Embassy Suites Norman Saturday from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. so come see me! I’ll have Something Wicked, Sleigh Ride, The Stork Reality, Something New and Dance Mom Survival Guide with me!

Dance Mom Forever Mix

My dance mom BFF Jill Martin and I are doing some videos to promote our new book, DANCE MOM SURVIVAL GUIDE. Of course you can make this healthy trail mix no matter what your kids – or you – are into. Enjoy! Nom, nom, dark chocolate chips!

Making History Right Now

What does living authentically mean? My #truedo list:

• Learning, discerning, improving and believing.
• Purposeful action.
• Listening with an open mind with awareness to your reaction and thoughts.
• Trusting yourself to do what is best for you despite what others may think.
• Going for it.
• Living your passion, even if that’s only part-time or a hobby.
• Incorporating people, places and things that you love into your life.
• Carving away negative thoughts, actions and people.
• Understanding your true gifts WANT to be used, not hidden.

I’m celebrating women’s history month all month long on my author page over on Facebook. Isn’t it amazing the achievements that we’ve made in the last 200 years? Women have come a long way, but we don’t have to WAIT for our time to shine. We should bring our own sunshine, even though some days it feel darn near impossible.

If you like colorful shoes, wear them.

If your business, church or family life isn’t working for you, examine your heart and figure out why. And then take action.

Trying to find the good in all things is more than a character exercise, it’s a growth tool. What lesson can I learn from this? What beauty can I see? What do I have to be grateful for? What can I give back?

You can make history right now by trying something new, by expanding your horizons, by believing in yourself to make change and then going for it. I can speak to wanting to “do it all.” But I’ve been working for the last ten years on becoming a better listener. When the Universe (God) talks, I’m all ears. When I got an email from a local editor telling me that she had a young woman freelancing for her that was interested in working in publishing and PR, I knew it was a sign. Because I’ve needed help, but wasn’t sure how to go about finding it. I was nervous that saying “yes” to an assistant would mean I was somehow failing instead of seeing that it could help me grow (as well as relieving stress!)

And Kristine is working out beautifully. Because of her, I’ll meet and exceed my goals. I just need to be patient and trust and guide.

When I’m working with a branding client, I remember my place as both listener and consultant. They are paying me to advise them, but if I don’t listen well, I can’t produce the most effective results. The same goes with my authors at Buzz Books. I can’t build a name for them without them working 5x as hard as I am. We are each responsible for building our own tribe. I can only control my actions; not theirs.

That goes for each of us in our relationships.

So let’s make some history. In this case, Herstory, and review our goals for family, work, wellness and friendship and growth and plug in action plan to live authentically, joyfully and an open mind and heart. What’s on your list?

————————————-

Book news: DANCE MOM SURVIVAL GUIDE will be published March 12! I’m so excited it’s here and it’s been a complete blessing to work with my co-author Jill Martin on the book! I’m busy editing FAMILY CHARMS to get it to my editor for a July release in trade paperback and ebook. Also FIXER UPPER my DIY girl power novel is gaining traction and will be available in trade paperback later this spring. My first YA novel, TWIN FALLS is with my editor and will be released this summer under my pen name Lena Brown. Exciting, busy, wonderful!

Is JOY on your True Do list?

Standing in front of sixty business people last week, a familiar friend surfaced.

She visited again as I sailed down the hill in my neighborhood on my bike, just feet behind my 7 year-old.

Even more surprisingly, she showed up yesterday afternoon in downtown Edmond while I stood with a camera in front of two girls doing leaps and jumps I won’t even pretend I can pronounce.

The friend? Joy. Not a flesh-and-blood girlfriend, but the emotion that seems to sneak up on me when I least expect it. Why? Because I haven’t put her on the to-do list – which I’ve renamed my True Do list this year.

Last year was my hermit year. I worked like crazy, made good money, and was productive as hell. But. Make that, “BUT!!!” I was a wee bit stressed out, even after I started a regular practice of yoga and meditation (which helps immensely.)

But JOY? Not so much. We had some good times, some good trips, some fun family memories, but I didn’t feel joy. Was it me? Was I so stressed I didn’t let her in or was she so buried under my to-do list I didn’t let her catch a breath? Maybe. But no more.

My True Do list means I’m doing more for fun, for me, for replenishing and recharging. At first I was afraid it would be selfish, but then I realized it included other people! I’m saying yes to getting out there, like speaking to the LOYAL leadership class last week in Oklahoma City. I had a blast speaking about branding and got some great feedback. I thought, “I need to get out more often!” And when my little guy who won’t be little for long asks me to go ride bikes, I say, “yes.” No matter what I’m doing, I take a break and go for a quick ride, which is something I’ve loved to do since I was his age.

In writing DANCE MOM SURVIVAL GUIDE I get to work with one of my best girlfriends and we get to include our dancing daughters, which brings us all closer. That photo shoot was fun because I let it be. The girls were loving it and I got caught up in their energy. I felt young and light and almost like I could jump in the air like them! (But, um, no.)

I think the key to making joy a #truedo is saying yes to the fun, diminishing stress where we can and staying in the present moment where there is only the now, not a what’s-next. If you’re a list-maker like I am, why not keep a list of things that bring us joy? From the little things like putting my favorite creamer in my coffee (mocha) to how much fun I have Saturday mornings in hip-hop to the bliss I feel while gazing up at the moon and stars from my hot tub. What would me on your list?

How can you incorporate more joy in your life? Let me know if it sneaks up on you, too.

xo,

Malena

Next Big Thing Blog Hop: Twin Falls, Paranormal YA

My first Lena Brown short story was featured in PROM DATES TO DIE FOR.

Special thanks to author Brenda Janowitz, RECIPE FOR A HAPPY LIFE (St. Martin’s Press July 2013)
for inviting me on a new round of the Next Big Thing Blog Hop. This time I’m promoting a book by my younger alter ego, Lena Brown, (younger because I feel like a teenager when I write teen books!) I’d also like to thank author Ka Hancock for including me in her blog hop: http://kahancock.com/blog/

A blog hop is like a giant game of tag to help readers discover authors who are new to them. For this hop, authors are answering 10 questions about what we’re working on now. This week, I’m it.

I’M GIVING AWAY FIVE ADVANCE COPIES OF THE BOOK TO READERS WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO REVIEW IT, SO LEAVE A COMMENT FOR A CHANCE. I was tagged by Brenda Janowitz (http://brendajanowitz.blogspot.com). Visit her blog to see who else she tagged. At the end of this post, I’ll tag more authors who will be joining the hop next week. Follow the hop long enough and you’re bound to find books you’ll love!

Here is my Next Big Thing!1: What is the working title of your book? TWIN FALLS, a young adult paranormal novel
2: Where did the idea come from for the book? I’ve been fascinated with two things all of my life: twins and angels, so decided to combine them.
3: What genre does your book come under? contemporary paranormal, young adult
4: What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? Just shy of her 16th birthday, a girl moves back to the family ranch in Twin Falls, Texas after her mother is mysteriously murdered and discovers she’s part of a legacy that goes back to the beginning of time.
6: Is your book self-published, published by an independent publisher, or represented by an agency? Buzz Books USA trade paperback and ebook
7: How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? The first draft took about six months. I worked on it every day to keep my head in the story.
8: What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? Series by Tara Hudson, Rachel Vincent and Cassandra Clare.
9: Who or what inspired you to write this book? Secret identity and hidden powers and really wishing I could fly.
10: What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest? Really hot teen cowboy angels – good and bad boys. And haven’t you always wondered if you had an identical twin out there somewhere?

Below you will find authors who will be joining the blog hop next Wednesday. Do be sure to bookmark and add them to your calendars for updates on WIPs and New Releases! Happy Writing and Reading!

And leave a comment on THE SUPER POWER YOU WISH YOU HAD for a chance to win an ARC of Twin Falls. 

Next Wednesday, visit these cool authors to learn their next big thing:

Heather Davis

Aaron Smith

Kelly Parra

Dani Stone

Lucie Smoker

True Do Track for living a You-Full 2013

For the Type A among us, a to-do list feels as automatic as brushing our teeth or blinking. So with that in mind, I created a True Do Track for my readers to join me in trying to live our best year yet. Less stress. Less drama. More fun. More adventure. More authentic relationships and actions. Not to just dream it, but do it. Living in truth means living the life we were uniquely meant to live, utilizing our gifts. Yes, it’s self-helpy because we all need that tap on the shoulder that reminds us to keep our mind, body, spirit in alignment.

For January, our True Do Track focus is Journaling. I’m including a daily prompt on my Facebook page, but you can certainly write whatever comes to mind! Writing not only helps our true selves surface and to deal with any issues we may be dealing with, but stating our dreams does help them come to fruition in our lives. (Law of Attraction, only put more action in the attraction.)

And each week I’ll include a giveaway. Since we’re journaling in January, that’s the weekly prize! Check out these cool colorful journals. Drawings are held on Friday and include those who have a) Liked my author page and b) have commented on the daily prompts or shared the picture posted at the top. The more active you are, the more entries you get. But even if all you are doing is reading it and actually journaling, I’m happy you are taking this step with me.

Book news:

Hope Floats is now available on Kindle! The short story and essay collection includes stories on loss and living on so if you have been affected by grief, you might relate to these situations. Topics include miscarriage, death of loved ones, suicide and my life as a motherless mother and how my feelings on gun control were shaped by gun violence in my life.