Get Real: Finding Flow and Navigating Transformation

In today’s final mediation in the Finding Flow series, Deepak said, “beautiful truths that lie dormant are not enough.” If you REALIZE something but do not ACTIVATE it into the world, then we are not taking the crucial step necessary to being true to who we are. IMG_2665

I radiate light. That was today’s centering thought, but what does it mean to let your true self shine?  That was the purpose of the meditation series – finding flow. (The series is still available for a cost, but I highly recommend trying it if you haven’t.)

The end of the 3-week journey and the start of the fifth month of my Get Real series, combined with a conversation I had with my husband last night, led me to wanting to share some points about transformation – things to be aware of as you increase your awareness and navigate your transformation if you’re on this journey.

But undergoing a transformation – no matter your age – can cause people around you to wonder a) what’s wrong with you and b) try to figure out WHY you are changing/acting different or worse, offer their unsolicited advise and judgment – especially if they don’t like a particular change you are making. It can be unsettling.

While my posts are meant to share my journey through creativity and expression and living my best life, I’m by no means a trained life coach, so if you think you’d like help navigating transformation, you can find a local life coach to help you through that. I saw one in my 30s that was tremendously helpful in aligning my goals and some negative thought patterns in my life. In the same vein, it could be tough to be “true to you” if you aren’t sure who YOU are, which is why self-discovery (and I believe mind/body/spirit alignment) is so important. Here’s a link to Martha Beck’s life coach team.

Thing is, many people see self-discovery as selfish and narcissistic. All that emphasis on “me” can be off-putting even to ourselves. However, if we don’t do the work to activate our purpose, then we’re missing out. Combine that with the lens that people see you in – which is little picture – such as seeing what you post on social media only or basing their judgment on the differences they see in you versus seeing the BIG PICTURE which only you can see and all the little details that make up your transformation for your mind/body/spirit/family/home/career and so on.

What’s also tough about transformation is that it won’t make sense to those who think you didn’t need to change in the first place or think you should “just be grateful as is” or “you have no idea how good you’ve got it” and so on. OF COURSE gratitude is a huge part of your process and don’t feel guilty for making the necessary changes to any of the following categories of our lives (taken from Martha Beck’s life coaching page):

Business / Career // Creativity // Families and Children // Grief/Loss // Health and Wellness // Leadership // Mind-Body

Personal Growth // Relationships // Spiritual Growth // Weight Loss // Women’s Issues // Work / Life Balance

Come on. That’s A LOT. So putting our awareness on any of those areas can not only bring clarity, but action to improve them, which will result in more peace and happiness. Communicate with those you need to so you don’t alienate them and be honest.

People on the outside who know you but may not deal with you everyday may see a transformation “all at once” versus how long you’ve been “putting in the time.” For example, I started my wellness journey seriously in the summer of 2013 so my 16-pound weight loss was gradual but because I put more focus on it in 2014 by further transforming my diet and exercise plan, it’s become more apparent. For me, that was also trying new fitness routines to not only see how I could mix it up and keep motivated. Also my nature is to try new things and keep myself physically and mentally challenged as part of  my growth. By being open and willing to try new things, we can find what works for us. I gave myself a challenge to try a new workout every day and discovered one new thing I loved: Pilates. And today I’m trying a dry sauna and tomorrow I’m trying a RIPPED class at the Y for a different cardio option. Try something new.

Eating healthy can be tough in our society and especially in social situations. Those around you may not dig that you want to be gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free. WHY DON’T YOU WANT MY PIE? Tell them, it’s nothing personal. It’s just what’s working for you. See how you feel after eating clean for a week. I swear, you’ll get hooked on that feeling. Combine that with daily exercise and meditation and look out. You’re going to feel and look awesome and want to tackle the world.

Deepak tells us that spiritual awakening is NATURAL. I think it’s important to remember that because people may call your transformation a “mid-life crisis” which sounds very negative when actually you are making very positive changes in your life. The transformation may have a tipping point and that’s what people may see and respond to. For example, when you’ve reached your fitness goal or got that new job. For me, my love for life and joy have grown exponentially. Love yourself first, take care of yourself and then that light extends to others around you. Someone commented that I can’t talk about how I’m trying to shed ego and also take selfies. However, it depends on the INTENT. Are you sharing to pump yourself up and get feedback from others or are you sharing to express yourself and it’s a key piece of transformation, whether or not you are going to express yourself on a social media platform or just in real life or a combination. Here’s a nice article on self expression that I recommend. I share not to GET pumped up, but because I’m already pumped up and want to share that joy I’m feeling. All social media is a form of self expression saying “this is me”. This is what I’m doing/eating/wearing/reading/who I’m with and so on. Which is why many people are turned off my social media to begin with. I’ve stopped reading my Facebook feed every day mostly because it was a time suck, but I still get notifications and try to check in occasionally but overall, it’s not a pleasurable activity for me. I’d rather connect with people in real life. However, I love to look at and share pictures, so I prefer Instagram. I see it as letting my light shine, but not that MY light is any brighter or better. THAT would be ego. I also don’t see my daughter posting dance pictures as ego, either. That’s her thing and she’s amazing at it. It brings her joy, whether or not she got any feedback from it.

Whether you choose to share any aspect of your transformation as some do by blogging it or sharing updates on social media with your weight loss or style is totally up to you. Some may find it motivating while others find it irritating or believe you are only bragging. I have always felt my life was an open book and it’s pretty easy to see my big picture transformation over the years in my novels, too. I don’t feel I have anything to hide.

No two people’s transformation journey is going to look the same because we are each unique. I’ll admit I feel called to work on every one of those categories above which has led to my house being less cluttered and running more smoothly, getting rid of tons of junk in my life, donating old clothes that no longer fit me, shopping for things that better express who I am, taking care of my body inside and out, shedding stress and anxiety with exercise and meditation, re-engaging the family on chores and reminding them of boundaries so I don’t feel run over, and adding more fun and adventure into my relationships. It also means less wasted time on things that distract me from my goals/dreams so I spend less time on social media and watching TV and more time out in nature and writing and visiting places and people. Fulfillment is key to a happy life, so what fills you up? 

Just get out. Get out of your head. Get out and enjoy life. In the last week, I’ve seen two live music shows with my husband, and we take different kids with us to things like H&8th, OKC Arts Festival, Edmond Arts Festival and we try to find things each of us enjoy and who we most enjoy those activities with. Getting Real means acknowledging that we need to step it up and loved ones around us might need to step it up, too. Open dialogue and communication is important. Life isn’t meant to be “easy” and your transformation may have some bumps in the road as you deal with your feelings and make adjustments.

Truthfully, I’m happier and more me than I’ve ever felt in my life. I want that for each of you, too. We’re all on a journey and the cool thing is we’re never “done.” I look forward to what each day brings.

When we’re called to be the shining light in our lives, it means “I am enough.” We aren’t looking for outside validation for our decisions, but we’re listening to our inner voice and then activating those things for more peace and happiness. What better gift to ourselves and the Universe could there be?

***

EXERCISE:

Create a list of activities and people that bring you joy and schedule them into your calendar and COMMIT to it.

WRITING UPDATE:

My new manuscript is coming along really well. Meditation has actually given me several a-ha moments about my story and it enables me to go much deeper into character and my story and “see it” for what it’s meant to be. One of my favorite parts of writing a novel is watching the story unfold over time and gaining insight into the true nature of the story as I write and rewrite it. 15K out of 85K completed.

And congrats to Heather Davis on winning BEST NONFICTION BOOK at OWFI last night! TMI MOM GETTING LUCKY is a winner! Get your copy here. 

 

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