Get Real: What refuels moms?

It’s Mother’s Day weekend 2014 and I want to celebrate Motherhood, but since this is my Get Real series where we search for our authentic truth, I wanted to share mamas occupying my heart this week and Mom Fuel:

1. Wanda Wonder Mama.  Wanda Pratt was a single mom and did what most moms do in sacrificing whatever they

KD with his mama Wanda Pratt
KD with his mama Wanda Pratt

have to and hold onto hope for a brighter future. Her son Kevin Durant is an MVP on and off the court and used his award to share his feelings about his mother, teammates and philosophy. You can hear the full speech here. He’s authentic and doesn’t let criticism get to him. What a great testament to family love. I also love that my 16-year-old gets to see KD get mushy about his mama. “You’re the real MVP.” Mom Fuel: love, hope, faith, commitment. The biggies. Thank you, Wanda.

2. Amazing girlfriend moms. I’m someone who needs to be surrounded by girlfriends. They give me energy and refuel my tank. One at time, two, a big group, a whole sorority house – it doesn’t matter. Most all of them are also mamas and truly inspire me with their gifts to their children and the Universe. I’m especially thinking of my single mom friends like Lillie-Beth Brinkman whose house burned down last week and she showed tremendous grace under pressure. (Thankfully she and her three kids were all unharmed.) It was the first house she’d bought on her own. Her strength will help them rise from those ashes and rebuild a life. My sister Amanda has truly amazed me in the almost two years she’s been a young widow and how she’s helped her children deal with the loss of their father and also just bought her first home. My sister Tina  – a mom of two boys – began running marathons in her late thirties and typically finishes in the top of her age bracket. I love that she has fulfilled that

with Jill (middle) and Ali (right) Love.
with Jill (middle) and Ali (right) Love.

dream and running refuels her. My Sooner Spaces girlfriends Ali and Jill. Ali just completed her year as PTA president and wasn’t a drama queen or diva. Because she never has been, never will be. She’s so creative and crafty and I adore her. Jill is the yang to my yen on design projects we do together and I even co-wrote a book with her, Dance Mom Survival Guide. She’s bubbly and puts up with our rap music on the car trips and even makes up some cool car dance moves. Cynthia, Tina M., Vi, Kelley – amazing women achieving your own passions and purpose while also raising great kids and still MAKE time for girl talk. Why not make a list of your girlfriend moms and what you love and admire about them and let them knowMom Fuel: living your purpose, girls nights out, laughter, listening, red wine and chocolate. Thank you, girlfriends. 

 

3. Moms who didn’t give birth to you. Whether it’s the crazy aunt who is always there for you or the grandmother who raised you or the mother-in-law who accepted you as her own, so many women around the world step into the “mom” role for other people’s children. My grandmother Zola raised my sisters and me since I was four. She’s been gone for 22 years, which boggles my mind because the time has just zapped. And just a few year gap from her passing was the entry of my mother-in-law Sheryl when I was 21, who has stuck by me through my journey through adulthood. Our differences have never caused a big conflict and she’s accepted me for me. Mom Fuel: other mothers who mother us. Thank you, Grandma and Mom. 

3 generations - my daughter Audrey and MIL Sheryl
3 generations – my daughter Audrey and MIL Sheryl
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Rod with our boys when they were 3 and 10.

4. The guys who make motherhood possible (and sometimes better!)  Sure, we can be super moms even when we don’t have assistance but to the guys who made us moms and make motherhood sweeter – THANK YOU. My husband Rod and I have taken turns being the “at home” parent and he’s on board with my hopes and dreams AND our children’s hopes and dreams. Not only do parents finance those dreams but it’s the day-to-day practices, feeding, clothing and chauffering our kids around that help those dreams become a reality. The guys can also be friends, grandparents, uncles and mentors who help make our kids the best humans they can be. It really does take a village. Mom Fuel: guys who get that we are not just a “role” and understand raising kids is their job, too and they do it happily. Thank you, Rod. 

5. Final Mom Fuel: our awesome, unique, can-you-believe-you-made-this kids. Those with more than one kid know they are each SO DIFFERENT and require being parented differently. Getting Real means acknowledging parenting is HARD for everyone even if it SEEMS like others have it easy, staying present to be with them whenever and wherever they need us but knowing others can help us take care of them, too. Who knows where the journey will take us? One day you could be sitting in the audience listening to them talk about what an awesome mom you are when they win a big award. The reality is, we don’t know how long we get to be with them, so let’s make it count. Thank you, Harrison, Audrey and Owen. I love being your mom. 

Moms:: Lose the guilt. Stop feeling like you’re a bad mom or comparing yourself to other moms. Accept help. You can’t be good at everything. Give what you have. Love even bigger. Take care of you so you can take care of others and be your best self. 

Big love to you!

xo,

Malena

 

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